On The Question Of Scotch-ortunities

As I watched the reports this morning of another polar vortex bearing down on our friends and family to the east, images of the consequent blizzard of Facebook memes referencing snide remarks about Arizona and relatives in the Sunbelt popped to my mind.

Additionally, I thought of a story I recently related to my brother about a conversation about scotch I’d had with our father just after New Year’s.

My dad has become a dark rum enthusiast over the years after receiving a rather nice bottle some years ago from my Cayman-dwelling aunt & uncle. At the time I remember it being something of a mini-revelation, “There’s such a thing as GOOD rum?” I decided to contribute to his bar this year for Christmas and thus purchased for him a very nice bottle of pirate water.

However, to my puzzlement, I watched him for a week not touch my thoughtful present, and instead continue dipping into his scotch reserves. After a third time at the house after said present had been presented, and viewing another trip to the Glenlivet, I finally confronted him, “Have you tried the rum yet?”

He responded, “Sure.”

Me, “Did you like it?”

Him, “Definitely.”

Me again, “Why are you just drinking scotch whenever we’re over?”

He gave me an almost disappointed look, “Well Tay, rum’s a good summer drink, but you really need to take advantage of our limited winter in Arizona, because those are your scotch drinking opportunities.”

This was obviously a deep insight and manly life lesson, but it did leave one crucial question hanging in the air…

“But how do you know it’s winter in Tucson?”

“Ahhhh,” he responded, “that truly is more art than science. I would roughly say it starts around Thanksgiving and goes until…. umm… hmmm…”

“Accenture?” I offered.

“Right!” He confirmed, “Winter in Tucson runs from Thanksgiving to Accenture.”

So enjoy your legitimate scotch drinking weather all you Easterners! If you want to visit we’ve got a few more weeks of whiskeys and single malts in us before McIlroy, Woods, Mickleson & Company return to the Old Pueblo, then its back to margaritas and boat drinks for the next nine months.

Keep warm and stay safe!

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